Your first MRI - and Hopefully the last!

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place, woven together in the depths of the earth. Psalm 139:15

Little Man Malakai, 

Your swelling my belly right up! Every now and again your daddy looks at me and says "Wow, you really ARE pregnant aren't you!!" Silly man!

Today we had your MRI - it was horrible and noisy and you hated it. You wiggled and jumped and squirmed and kicked the whole way through. I felt so bad for you! But we did get some very cool shots of you. We are so lucky to get such a glimpse into your little world. The video of you kicking and moving just reminds me of how amazing your creator is! He is knitting you together, bit by bit. 

We wont get the full results until we go to see the consultant next week, but the suspected unilateral ventriculamegaly has been confirmed. All we can do is hope and pray that this is not affecting your developement, and that you stay strong for now.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152170669180753&l=6574805677181299082

We thank God for every day we have with you... 

I love you so much, 

Mama

Your'e so adorable....

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well! Psalm 139:14

Little Man Malakai, 

Daddy and I got to see you again today.. it seems you grow more adorable every time! You with your teeny nose and big noggin! We love you from top to toe! It amazes me how much detail we can see of you... All four chambers of your heart, your kidneys, your little fingers and toes, your perfect spine! 

Again, you made us proud with your strong heart. Your'e such a good boy! :) And everything else structural is looking good. The Dr found a little too much fluid on the left ventricle of your brain though (Unilateral Ventriculamegaly) - It is borderline at the moment but he wants a second opinion, and so is sending us in for an MRI on Wednesday to take a closer look. 

I am trying very hard to not worry, and your daddy is doing a great job in taking care of me and reminding me that God is in control! I am so glad that he is your daddy, you are one lucky boy....he is the best and you are gonna love him so much! :)

We will be seeing you again in two days, arent we lucky! in the mean time, keep growing!

Love you the whole wide world, 

Mama

Halfway and kicking!

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength! Nehemiah 8:10

Malakai! We are halfway!! Way-to-go little man! That's quite the milestone!

This week was also the first time I caught your little kicks on camera. They are very little, but they are indeed there! You never stop kicking.... its constant! I even caught a game of poke on camera...I poke and you kick... I love it!

You are gonna be one active little boy, I can tell! I don't think anyone is quite as excited as I am about your kicking... but that's ok :) Every kick brings a smile to my face! Everytime I tell your daddy that you kicked me, he says 'thats ma boy!' - He thinks he is so funny!

Everyone notices my belly now, so I get lots of questions about you. Sometimes I don't know what to say. People ask me about how sick I feel, or if I hate any food or smells. This all seems so trivial to me when I am constantly thinking about all the possible problems you could have with your health. No-one seems to want to talk about the fact that you could have downs syndrome. And almost everyone brushes this away. Like mass denial. People tell me not to think about something that might not even happen. But how can I not think about it. Your'e my little boy, I want to be ready for you in every way I can. I want to help you as much as I can! I need to know that I have prepared as best I can for my child. I think some people see this as dwelling on the negative.

I know there is still every chance that your'e just fine. But its so hard to process all the what ifs! Trying so hard to hand it all over to God every day.

I love you little man!
Mama

Over the moon...

Your love oh Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness reaches to the skies! Psalm 36:5

Little Malakai, 

Oh my! I am so proud of you! You are growing from strength to strength. I cant believe how big you have got! It amazes me! You are the cutest kid on the block - and we LOVE watching you wiggle about in there! You already have your mama's nose, and your daddy's tummy :) 

They couldn't tell us anything we didn't already know... which is great...nothing new to worry about! Your heart still seems great, and that makes me so very happy! God is so very good. I thank Him for every day that we have with you. 

Daddy and I left the scan today so elated :) seeing you always gives us such a buzz. We love you with our whole hearts little man. Although we only get to see you on scan once in a while, we are daily reminded of your presence because of how big and round my belly is getting! You keep making yourself known! 

Love, 

Mama

Moments of Weakness...

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

My Little Malakai, 

Your'e not feeling so little anymore..you are growing so much and so fast! I love watching you get bigger. Its so exciting. I try so hard to keep focussed on these little joys. Feeling you move, hearing your heartbeat and seeing my bump grow... but its so so hard not to worry about you. You are our little miracle and we constantly worry about what might be wrong. 

I pray for you still, every night. That God would keep growing you BIG and strong. 

I have been busying myself getting your room ready for you (with your daddy's help)... now that we know your'e a boy it means that we can add a little boy touch to it :) Its been so fun getting ready for you, and I can't wait til your'e here and using your room, even if it means crying at 3am! :)

Just four days now until we get to see you again - we have another scan. I can barely wait, I bet you have grown heaps!

All my love, 

Mama